my title speaks the truth
a scary horrifying truth
the llamas are indeed the allys of the camels
a little festive horror to celebrate the three days until Christmas
why such misery Eve?
because my Christmas party got canceled.
Thanks London Metropolitan Police
To cure such winter blues, I, of course went shopping on all my Christmas Sale Savings, clever.
Commence Shopping Rampage.
001. Multi Colour Print Jacket; £7.99; Children's Society
First up, the coat I have been drooling over for the past few weeks. I saw the sleeve poking out from the rack at my charity shop and I spent the past few weeks hiding it. He's just so lovely (it is a he on account of the manly colours.)
After I saved my Yaya and the whole of her apartment building from getting blown up (no joke, she'd left the gas on the silly little sausage) my mum said Yaya would compensate me with this. Real heroes I know don't accept rewards, but I'm broke and this coat is feckin' fabulous.
002. Henry VIII's Secret Daughter; £6; Antique Market / Pronunciation Dictionary; £1; Antique Market
The dictionary is where I lifted my shocking title from. Its literally so funny and blunt. Like a contortionist is 'a man who twists his arms in a freaky manner'
And Henry VIII's Secret Daughter suggests that Jane Seymour actually gave birth to Jane Grey and Edward was the child of Henry's mistress, swapped at birth. And that young Edward was obsessed with marriage and that Mary was secretly all glitter and rainbows and smiling on the inside.
In all seriousness as well. It's quite a gripping read. Quite.
003. Pink Crochet Belt; £3; Primark / Black Bow Belt; £1.50; Fara / Red Chain Belt; £3.99; Children's Society
I say you can never have enough belts. When I saw the black bow belt, I though it might be Topshop, but I wasn't sure, but at £1.50 I wasn't really going to mind. And the red belt fits perfectly. Usually I have to punch a few extra holes in with my mum's antique surgical instruments, I know, so hygienic. But that red little lovely is a charm.
004. Black Embellished Jacket; £10; Kingston Antique Market
So spangly, how could I resist? Though really quite itchy. I do admit to being quite a magpie. When I see shiny things I just get entranced and can't stop thinking about them. I got magpie in my veins. Maybe I was one in my past life. I had a palm reading once and they told me I was once a showgirl, called Lola. I have a funny feeling that that thought wasn't entirely their own...
005. Gold Embellished Vest; Belfast
You can imagine my hybrid feelings of shear joy and ecstatic happiness when I opened up this parcel/present/bundle of love sent from my Yaya. I did indeed dance like a loon. Seriously my Yaya has some amazing super talents at being awesome as well as finding vintage pieces. She told me that a huge new vintage store just opened up in Belfast, and she went exploring and found me this. I love her an extra truck load for this.
Before I unveil my final purchases, I believe this an apt moment to mention the conversation I had in Gap the other day.
So I quite innocently popped into Gap to buy my brother a toy monkey for his present. I then found that there were only two left in the whole store. So I picked up both, cause you know, I can't just leave one to be alone and without conversation.
So I trundled up to the counter, and handed over the monkey to which the guy then said:
Guy - Ah ha, two knitted monkeys
Me - Indeed, do you do student discounts?
Guy - Sadly not, only on full priced monkeys
Me - Shizzle. Okay then
[Guy turns to the guy next to him and brandishes monkey in face]
MONKEYS MONKEYS EATING YOUR FACE AHHH
[turns back to me]
Guy - Feisty critters. I must warn you, these monkeys have been raised in the wild, tell the person they're for to take great care
[gives me lazer 'I-know-who-these-are-truly-for' stare]
Me - Shall do...
I think he thought I was buying them for my self...
Which sadly, is very, very feasible.
Okay now, I recommend you brace your selves, okey dokey?
006. Vintage Dior Dress; £20; Children's Society
Oh My Gosh
I literally wanted to combust, throw-up, dance crazily when I found this in my charity shop. £20?! Seriously for Dior? Okay Dior Juniors, but still DIOR????
Naturally I set my alarm the next day for 6:30, got ready and walked up to Surbiton in the snow and hung out in Nero until the shop opened so I could dash in and buy it.
It was worth it.
She is beautiful. Her colour is sumptuous and she fits like a charm.
I'm in love
Seriously I would recommend the charity shop I work in highly. They get such wonderful pieces, like my lovely above. A lot of Jaeger and Ralph Lauren and vintage theater costumes. We had a phantom of the opera cape come in which literally engulfed me.
Its actually painful to work there, I just want to have every thing so so badly.
So you know, if your in Surbiton, on a Saturday, between 2 til 5, pop on down and you can share my wonderful little cornucopia of vintage love.
Now my shameless self advertisement is over, onwards.
007. Bloc Party - Intimacy; £4.99 / Maximo Park - Quicken the Heart; £15; both Banquet Records / Tartan Tie; £3.99; Children's Society
My dad is a hard one to buy for. Though I see the man most evenings I have no idea what he likes. Like present wise. So when we were watching 'Have I Got News For You' he said 'Oh I like Jack Dee's tartan tie.' I sat up like a meerkat and literally shouted ' Do you like it like it?' To which he nodded and to which I jumped up, I ran out the house and hopped on a bus.
I went to Banquet Records avec my siblings to get his other presents, and on the counter has a very cheery picture of the Queen, to which such conversation
Inigo - Oh my gee, is that the queen yo?
Tilly- No way silly, there ain't no Queen, you just made that up
Inigo - Yeah there is stupid!
Me - [indignantly] Tilly shut up, you can never ever 'make up' the Queen!
which was a hideously bad joke about the Queen on my part, but the guy behind the counter started laughing out-loud and then suddenly stopped when I gave him my startled rabbit look.
He gave me another (my seventh) loyalty card whilst still chuckling
I might go back to that shop tomorrow
your love and comments are like knitted monkeys; lovely, warm and oh so feistly wonderful. So wonderful, I had to make up a word for them. Tehe.